A Thirst To Spend My Fire and Restless Force Tracking My True, Original Course

But often, in the world's most crowded streets,
But often, in the din of strife,
There rises an unspeakable desire
After the knowledge of our buried life;
A thirst to spend our fire and restless force
In tracking out our true, original course;

- Matthew Arnold
The Buried Life


#6 Learn to Dance - A few epiphanies today

Today I pushed forward in my "learn to dance" quest by going to the Zumba class at my gym.  Now, I recognize that Zumba is only 1/2 dance class, because it is really like 1/2 workout, but I clearly just need practice trying to copy choreography, so I figured... dance is dance, and I went.

This morning, my friend Tina had asked me what I thought of Zumba.  I told her that I hated it because I can only follow dance moves if someone breaks it down step by step, slowly and does the same sequence multiple times. Zumba is like: ready, set, GO! You are just supposed to copy the teacher and try to follow along and hope you can figure out what the heck is going on.  I really hate feeling that lost, but I thought, "Well, maybe I've improved since last time I tried."  It was like a year and a half ago, maybe two years.

I guess I have improved a little, because it wasn't quite as hard to follow along tonight. It might also be that the instructor was better. I had a few revelations tonight at this class though.

I realized that, while I have been focusing so much on just watching and figuring out what's going on, I have neglected to count in my head.  I think I was thinking I would figure that out later, but once tonight, towards the end of class, I just figured, "Maybe this would be easier if I tried to count as I do this."  Ya know what... it was easier. Haha. The patterns really became that much clearer and I had a much better sense of when something was about to change.  I think that, instead of trying to remember the actual steps so well, I need to just try counting and remembering the counts of things.

It's a thought.

I also realized that I am more out of shape than I realized I was. Keeping up with that class for a full hour was nearly impossible.  I did, sort of, manage to keep up, but just enough to get the steps and follow along. Forget all the hip shaking and bouncing and stuff that makes dancing look somewhat decent.

Which is another realization I had... I look awful. I mean, seriously, I could not look more awkward dancing if I tried.  I spend most of my time watching the instructor and other good dancers, so I seldom look in the mirrors, but when I do, it is not a pretty sight.  I envy the young, cute, skinny instructor who can do all of it and bounce and swing and twist, all while keeping a smile on her face. I don't think I could keep up with the bouncing and hip shaking, even if I wanted to. Which I realized that... I don't want to.

Which is my final comment... I think I have some sort of awkward block against wanting to shake my hips or bounce or whatnot.  I think I have subconscious body image issues. It's like I feel like am too fat or old for this and like any shaking of any of my body parts is just going to be disgusting.

I don't consciously believe this. In fact, I consciously truly believe that girls with some curves are beautiful and that you can't really "shake your groove thing" if you haven't got any groove thing to shake.  But shaking IT all just reminds me that IT is all there, and I think this is subconsciously why part of me is not willing to give in to trying to dance with rhythm, with a groove. It makes me feel fat. Bleh....

The only solution to this is to lose the weight and get in better shape so I can keep up and try to add some pizzazz to my jazz....

1 comment:

Daisy Valadez said...

Aww Mrs.Mohr! You should just try something simpler... bellydancing maybe? its not as bad as it sounds :)